[Review] Have Golden Axe (Sega Arcade) and String Bikini – Will Fight

I love run n’ gun and hack ‘n slash games – Contra, Streets of Rage…side-scrollers where you and a buddy tag-team, button mash and beat up baddies. Simple, unforgiving, crude, and does not require too much mental capacity – only enough skill to prevent you from dying!  After a long day of work, there is nothing like coming home and playing a good action arcade game.

The other night, the game of choice for my hubs and me was Golden Axe, originally a Sega arcade game, played on the PS3. One word – fun! At least fun enough to blow through the entire game in 25 minutes. Sounds impressive to those who don’t game. But really, there wasn’t much to it – save villagers from wrath of evil dudes, fight said evil dudes by using swords and magic spells; the end. And it is an arcade game; how long are those supposed to last, anyway?

By all appearances, self-proclaimed pop-culture critic Anita Sarkeesian would have a field day with Golden Axe with its choice of characters (if she hasn’t targeted this game already…). It is a stereotypical 1980s arcade game that has only three characters to play; some he-man on steroids, an ugly bearded troll, and the hot, greased up, bikini-clad Amazonian goddess (my character of choice). To that end, I AM a feminist (NOT a feminazi), and thought it was great that this gorgeous, scantily-clad, fake-n-baked babe played among the ugly dudes…and kicked ass like a BAWSE!

Take that! Annnd that!

The game is in 16-bit, so you’re not getting anything pretty. Characters do look a bit blocky, and moving your character around in a boss fight is more like a square dance hoe-down than a fight scene. But Golden Axe is fun, and will jet you back to those crude gaming days when you and your sibling fought over the arcade table at the local pizzeria…

Golden Axe
Developer: Sega
Released: 1989